Good Kind of Different

“You have changed.”

Okay i don’t know about you, but i don’t want to hear that from someone unless it’s good change.

Two of my friends said that i have changed, ever since i went to promised land. They said i didn’t use to be like this. Which is half true. Afterall, they met me when i was withdrawn, when i socially isolated myself from everyone. When i was extremely scared and timid and in need of a God to mend a broken heart.

I used to be this deranged in secondary school, mainly to mask my feelings. To be honest, I’m not too sure if I’m a little insane now because that’s the real me or because of the hype. I catch myself being too loud sometimes.

I was shocked when she said that i make my presence known. I was like “wait what do i do it intentionally?” and to my relieve she said no. Because if she said yes then i REALLY need to isolate myself and rethink my actions. She also said i have a lot of favour from the people in the different regions. A favour that she never had. I still don’t know what that means. But i will try figuring out if it’s good or bad.

I really just want to blend in well and not be seen by anyone, really. I do admit, sometimes the things that i say or do are uncalled for and does draw quite a bit of attention… which was why i said maybe i lost myself in the hype.

I told 2 different people today that the call can be lonely. Everyone thinks I’m having a jolly great time in the promised land and the whole world loves me and i have no struggles. It’s not true. I went to the promised land bearing the title leader. As a leader, there are characteristics that i need to live up to. I need to initiate, i need to be proactive, i need to talk to people. It’s a lonely walk sometimes. I have no one to talk to, like no good friends that i can trust to pour out my emotional roller coaster. WELL OKAY I HAVE JESUS. But sometimes we do need christian fellowship that can edify us.

To me, i think, it was a good change. I came out of my cave and i became bolder. I didn’t exactly realised how i was really feeling, i think they were more shocked than i was because the tear faucet just turned on. Yet i hope my friend knows that I’m still me, though I’m a little louder, I’m still me.

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